Donald J. Trump Federal Bureau of Investigations: This building will be torn down on the grounds that it is an eyesore from the 1960s, an era when it was believed that a single Watergate-level scandal would be enough to end a presidency, and replaced with either the actual Parthenon from Athens (the ultimate in classical architecture) or the fake Parthenon from Tennessee (Kash Patel and his girlfriend can bring it back on their government jet so that they will be able to mark their latest Nashville excursion as “business travel.”) The Donald J. Trump Supreme Court: Instead of blind justice standing on the steps (we can do better than some kind of visually impaired woman who is probably dispensing justice to any and all comers without fear or favor), this building will now feature one of those guys covered in gold paint who pretends to be a statue, so he can see who is trying to get justice and let the majority know Trump’s feelings about him so they can vote accordingly. Lincoln’s second inaugural address will remain visible, but just barely, because the text of Trump’s second inaugural address will be superimposed on it in a very small font to make room for all of the text, obscuring the words of the man who appealed to the better angels of our nature.
Author: Alexandra Petri
Published at: 2026-02-03 22:37:00
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