WOODSTOCK, ME — On a mission to set right the great wrongs perpetrated upon the world during World War II, controversial media personality Tucker Carlson announced that he had built a time machine to go back to the past and kill baby Winston Churchill. Seeking a means by which he could eliminate the greatest villain of the first half of the 20th century — Churchill — and thereby prevent the astronomical bloodshed and destruction caused by the war, Carlson reportedly sank tens of millions of dollars into the research, development, and construction of the time machine. Gavrilo Princip killed the Austrian crown prince, but he was not executed because in Austria the death penalty could be applied only to persons who had passed their 20th birthday and he was a month too young at the time of the assassination.
Author: BabylonBee.com
Published at: 2025-11-13 21:48:49
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